virginhood: Kanaya looking down to the side and scratching her head awkwardly. (Wallflower)
Kanaya Maryam ([personal profile] virginhood) wrote in [personal profile] moirailcompass 2013-07-30 05:32 am (UTC)

Uh...

[To be honest as nice as a fresh start was in theory, it was never allowed in practice, and given that, Kanaya rather wished she had not had to start from scratch. Worse than scratch, really...]

Well. Every time he looked at me he saw her. No matter how many times I argued my personal innocence I could never change that. Every overly kind word was in the voice of his killer. My fingers were the same shape of the ones on the blade. And I couldn't bear the guilt, I just wanted to fix things, I was... too nice to him, I thought he'd snap out of it and remember our prior friendship eventually and it would be him begging for my company rather than the pathetic reverse. It almost worked until I found out the truth about why he thought it was inevitable I'd want to murder him even here. And then before that argument was made up for, he left our ranks, by extension the realm of the living. I couldn't change that either.

So how things were... not very good, in summary.

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